Hey, I'm leaving my critique because i'm not sure where else to out it. I thought your paper was really strong you have a good argument and great pictures to back up what you are saying. That being said I think some of the wording in your sentences is little awkward. You take two sentences to say what could be said in once. I think by combining some of these sentences would make you stand out. By breaking up these sentences the paper seems a little passive. Some juts combine those and just edit it. I noticed some words dropped. Believe me I'm totally guilty of this as well. But I really enjoyed reading it, it was totally interesting! --Laura
1 Comments:
Hey,
I'm leaving my critique because i'm not sure where else to out it. I thought your paper was really strong you have a good argument and great pictures to back up what you are saying. That being said I think some of the wording in your sentences is little awkward. You take two sentences to say what could be said in once. I think by combining some of these sentences would make you stand out. By breaking up these sentences the paper seems a little passive. Some juts combine those and just edit it. I noticed some words dropped. Believe me I'm totally guilty of this as well. But I really enjoyed reading it, it was totally interesting!
--Laura
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